It Isn't Independence Day?

With Cinco de Mayo fast approaching I am reminded of the many times my grandparents would regale me with stories of how when the holiday would roll around, back in the old country, they would round up the kids, my parents and aunts and uncles and cousins, and head over to El Torito or Chevy’s or TGIFridays to drink margaritas and take shots of Cuervo Gold, or maybe head over to Chili’s to celebrate around an order of skillet queso. Yes, these are the time honored traditions used to celebrate Mexican independence day.

OK, here’s the thing about that: May 5th is not Mexican Independence Day. Beyond that, I’ve already been over what a cheap and disgusting swill that is the product of Jose Cuervo. Those chain “neighborhood grills” and cantinas… their celebrations for “Drinko de Mayo” are somewhat less than authentic. And lastly, Cinco de Mayo is not really a widely celebrated holiday in Mexico and here’s why-

Imagine you are in Canada in the winter, say mid-January, and while strolling through the exciting and inviting streets of Toronto you notice lots of red white and blue adorning the windows and doors of many of the shops and restaurants with exciting fliers promoting festivities on January 26th with promises of Jack Daniels and apple pie and cheeseburgers, you’d probably want to know what it was all about so you ask one of the natives. Eh, he’d reply, what’s all this shite aboot, you say? Why it’s the 26th of January, of course! Isn’t that American Independence Day, eh? What a hoser- you don’t even know your own holidays! January 26th, for all of you non-history majors, is the end of the Battle of New Orleans which was the last major battle in the War of 1812. It’s significant because it was an American victory in a war where the British pretty much bitch slapped us, and also because the battle took place after the war was over (no email in those days). But despite the significance of that particular battle, not really significant in the long run to American history. There was no territory that was won or lost. There were no advantages or advancements made. It really has no real bearing on modern America whatsoever except that it ushered in an era of national pride for several years until the eruption of the civil war. Cinco de Mayo is sort of the same thing.

Mexico’s Independence Day is September 16th. It’s a national holiday and celebrated nationwide. Cinco de Mayo is celebrated somewhat in the state of Puebla because it commemorates the Battle of Puebla in 1862 where the Mexican Army, which was more like a militia made of farmers and laborers, held off the invading French Army. The Mexicans were greatly outnumbered by a better equipped opponent who had not been defeated in 50 years. Since then, no country in the Americas has been invaded by a country from another continent.

Despite the great victory on this day there are a few reasons why the holiday is virtually ignored south of the border. First, is defeating the French really that big of an accomplishment? Not so much. But beyond that, the Battle of Puebla merely delayed the inevitable. Soon after that battle the French sacked Mexico City. Within a year the French occupied Mexico and installed their own guy, Maximilian I, as Emperor of Mexico. And the reason the Mexicans were at war with the French in the first place is not exactly the most honorable reason to go to war: the Mexicans stopped paying money they owed to France. Mexico owed money to several countries and stopped paying all of them because there simply wasn’t any to pay. France originally attacked to force payment of the debt but decided to take over instead- think of the current state of the auto industry, banks, and health care system. So, no, it was not a battle with great and long lasting results for the Mexican people. Eventually France was pressured by the United States to get off our continent and by 1867 they made their way out. Maximilian was deposed and executed as well. Moral of the story: be careful when you borrow money; don’t be French.

So clearly there is plenty of reason as to why this is not a point of pride in Mexico outside of Puebla. But why the prevalent celebration in America? That answer isn’t so clear. Some say Americans have been commemorating the date since 1863, just one year after the battle, to acknowledge the Mexican resistance against France. Beyond that it seems to have become one of those days that, while seemingly arbitrary in America, is used as an excuse to celebrate one particular culture and a reason to drink very very much. Like St. Patrick’s Day, Chinese New Year, or Oktoberfest, on Cinco de Mayo everyone can be a little bit Mexican (except in Arizona where the new Juan Crow law states you had better have your papers on you if you intend to go around supposing to be Mexican).

EricV123 is not a big believer in partying on May 5th because it doesn’t really mean that much to me. Again, were any of you out celebrating on January 26th? But if you must exude your mexicanity I do have a couple of recommendations. If you are in Los Angeles head on over to Olvera Street, the oldest street in California, for some genuine Mexican-American culture and some of the best taquitos and handmade tortillas ever. In San Francisco go see what the Mission has to offer. If you are in Phoenix, stay inside lest you get rounded up and deported for not having your identification on you. Also, on the west side of LA, head on over to Pink Taco, a Mexican-American themed cantina at the Westfield Shopping center on the border of Century City and Beverly Hills. Tell Amy the bartender that EricV123 sent you. You’ll recognize her by her big… uh… eyes.

Just don't be these guys.

Quinceañera

My first experience with a quinceañera celebration started with car trouble. I was driving along one day when I realized I had a flat tire. It was an older car and the tire iron that came with the jack was completely useless. It didn’t fit the bolts and because of that I couldn’t get the tire off. I was going to need some help. It was later in the afternoon but not so late that my parents would be home from work so I called a friend of mine to come and help me out. He showed up within a half hour but rather than help me change the wheel he exclaimed, “Hey, get in the car and we’ll be back in a little while. I have to do something at home!” So we ride on back to his house which was just a mile away and I come to see that several of his cousins gathered around the backyard and rehearsing a dance and a waltz. I didn’t know what it was all about so I just sat around and had a Tecate with salt and lime. They went on rehearsing the steps but it was off balance and the coordinator was getting more agitated as the night progressed. Apparently one of the cousins hadn’t shown up and there was a spot that needed to be filled.

And there I was. Sipping on my Tecate.

None of my younger female cousins had yet reached the age of 15 so this was all new to me. I was reluctant at first but the coordinator was really pretty so I relented. The quinceañera was in just four days and we had tonight and the next night to make sure we had all of the steps down. I should also mention that my hesitation to dance in front of a people was due to the fact that I dance about as well as I sing… which is about as well as I play hockey and let me ask you this: Have you ever seen a Mexican play hockey? I didn’t think so. But in the end everything went off without a hitch and I got my introduction to being part of a quinceañera celebration. This was quite a few years ago and all I really remember from the party was that we went to church beforehand, the quinceañera wore a beautiful white dress, I wore a tuxedo, and there was a whole lot of food and tequila. Needless to say I was missing out on a few things.

I performed in a waltz for the celebration of my friend’s sister’s fifteenth birthday. She has a court, not unlike a homecoming queen, that is there to celebrate wtih her. This celebration has roots that go back over 2000 years. It is an amalgam of empires from the Aztecs to the Spanish and the French. Most cultures have some sort of coming-of-age celebration. In America we have sweet sixteen celebrations where young ladies get to be the center of attention. Though most popular in the south, we also have cotillion where debutants join society not as a girl but as a young lady. There are also Bar and Bat-mitzvah celebrations. These types of occasions are found all over the world. The one most familiar to Latin America began with the Aztecs and their celebration of a young girl becoming a woman. And by becoming a woman they meant that she was ready to start making babies. Once the Spanish got involved they replaced the temples with Catholic churches and made this celebration into a very important crossroads for the young lady- she could choose to be a normal woman and raise a family or she could choose a monastic style of life and become a nun.

The distinction of having the celebration at the age of 15 comes from the French in the late 19th century during an era called Porfiriato, which is their equivalent to the Victorian age in English speaking countries. It is named for Mexican President Porfirio Diaz who had a great admiration of French culture and thus brought over a style of European music called Vals (waltz) and the term Chambelan. Like Cinco de Mayo, the quince años celebration is becoming more popular here in the United States than it is in Latin America. Like any great celebration in Mexico, like baptisms, weddings, etc, these parties are often reflective of the family socio-economic status. Here in the states they are great way for Americanized immigrants to maintain a connection to their Mexican heritage (much like referring everyone you know to this website).

A Quinceañera usually consists of some specific traits. Because the Spanish tied the occasion to the church it is customary that before the party there will be a church service where the young lady reaffirms her faith. It is customary for her to receive gifts reflective of the religious aspect like a cross, a rosary, or a Bible. Also, because of the religious aspect, the quinceañera celebration is a big deal for the godparents. Their duty is to the spiritual development and upbringing of the child and the quinceañera celebration is where the child becomes a woman and so celebrates the culmination of the godparent’s duties. During the event the Quinceañera, which is actually the title of the young lady celebrating her coming-of-age, will wear a white dress which is something like a wedding dress. Other traditions vary but often represent her father releasing her into the word as a woman. Sometimes she will wear simple flats which her father will replace with heels. She may carry a doll dress just like her which her father will replace with heels. Or there could be the father/daughter dance where midway he will pass her on to her escort, the Chambelan, while they dance a vals (waltz).

And then, of course, this is followed by food and drink and shots and a big bowl of menudo the next morning.

For those of you wondering what became of my car, my buddy and I returned and were unable to get the wheel off. I came the next day with my dad and a different tire iron and we changed it without incident.

Tequila

First and foremost there are 3 things I want you all to know about tequila:

1) Cuervo Gold is not a premium tequila.
2) Tequila is not meant to be taken as a shot every time you drink it.
3) Your buddies from San Diego State who “totally drank the worm from the bottle of tequila,” they’re lying to you.

Let’s take that last part first. It is a fairly common misconception that one can find a worm in a bottle of tequila but I’m afraid unless it crawled in after you opened the bottle it’s not likely to happen. What you’re probably drinking is mescal, another type of Mexican liquor that like tequila is made from the agave plant. As mescal is bottled a cured worm, usually the larva of an agave snout weevil or the caterpillar of a certain type of moth that is found near agave plants, is added for flavor and aesthetic. For tequila it’s actually illegal to add a worm.

Now, getting back to those first two points- Cuervo Gold is an absolutely horrible tasting swill that I would never recommend to anyone. It is quite possibly the most vile thing I have ever put in my mouth and I have some really messed up friends with whom I’ve gotten pretty drunk. To those who make the point that Cuervo Gold is the most popular tequila in the world, that fact simply makes it the McDonalds of tequila. At best it should be used in margaritas in order to mask the taste and odor. It is this type of hangover in a bottle that is responsible for that face young college students make and why they so desperately need that accompanying salt and lime. Good tequila should not taste like flaming sewage, it should be smooth with a distinct flavor.

Before we get in to what makes a good tequila good, let’s learn a little bit about where it comes from. Tequila by definition comes from the area surrounding the city of Tequila located northwest of Guadalajara. It is only produced in the state of Jalisco and a few limited regions in other states. Tequila is made from the blue agave plant and it should be 100% blue agave. Some lesser tequilas are only around 51% agave which means the rest is sugars and syrup and other wretch inducing additives. According to the always reliable Wikipedia, Aztecs had been making a fermented drink from the plant well before the Spanish arrived. Once the Spanish ran out of their classy European booze they started going native with their alcohol consumption.

Around ten years ago it was difficult to find a decent tequila in America. It was relegated to Mexican restaurants and cheap cantinas outside of Vegas. As the liquor started to gain some prominence and popularity larger corporations started to take notice and wanted to get in on the action and tequila was no longer just a game for small, family-owned distilleries. The money those corporations have spent on marketing and advertising now make it possible for you and I to go to the bar and order a shot of ultra-premium tequila at $20. God bless progress!

Here’s a really easy breakdown of the different types of tequila a brand will offer: Silver is bottled soon after it’s distilled, spending at most a couple of months in steel barrels. Gold is what you get when you blend silver with a reposado or añejo. Reposado is aged for at least two months but less than a year in oak barrels. And añejo is aged at least one year but less than three in oak barrels. A few years ago distillers started offering extra añejo which is aged at least three years. Here’s what all that means- the silver tastes most like the fermented agave, some might say the pure taste of tequila. As it ages in the barrels the tequila takes on the taste of the barrel and the alcohol matures in a way that makes the alcohol richer and more complex. It’s not uncommon for these barrels to have been used in the production of whiskey or bourbon. As for color, the silver is obviously clear and the others can come in various shades of amber.

A delicious tequila does not have to be swallowed from a shot glass. Something like Casa Noble should be sipped from a tumbler or even on the rocks. In Mexico it is often accompanied by a chaser called sangrita. The whole process of salt and lime bookending a shot is a way for the youngsters to get used to the burn. These training wheels are for the boys learning to be men at a quinceañera, so you, USC frat boy, be a man and lose the fruit! Tequila is also used for a number of cocktails besides margaritas, like tequila sunrise and adios mother fuckers. Give ‘em a try!

So in conclusion let me leave you with a few thoughts. Spend more than $15 on a bottle of tequila and more than $3 for a shot. You’ll thank me in the morning. You don’t always have to take a shot of tequila. Get a good one and you can savor the smoky aroma and hint of vanilla in something like Don Julio 1942. Remember, if it’s got a worm it’s not tequila. And finally, leave the fruit on the side, gentlemen. Enjoy the tequila for what it is or don’t enjoy it at all.
Salud!