Why Do You Thound Different?

Growing up in Southern California, not far from Los Angeles, most everyone who spoke Spanish sounded the same as members of my family who spoke Spanish. The same inflection in the same places, same cadence, the same pronunciation… There were very little discrepancies in this social agreement of how the language sounds. Even the few accents that stood out, the few Puerto Ricans or Salvadorians that I knew, were not far off from what was familiar. The vagaries of encountering an unfamiliar accent were easily explained away by associating that particular accent only with that person. As a child it made sense that everyone spoke Spanish the same way and those who did not were completely unique in their pronunciation. When I heard Ricky Ricardo and the relatively direct and forward nature of the way his Cuban Spanish I assumed that was because he was always on the verge of slapping his wife. Outside of Ricky and a couple of others, everyone spoke the same way as far as I could tell.

The first time I heard a completely different system of pronunciation was when I was eleven years old and we took a family trip across Europe with stops in Spain. Their Spanish sounded different from what I’d heard my whole life to that point. It had a certain lilt to it. The emphasis came on different syllables than from what I was used to hearing. And of course there was the lisp. As a small child and I had quite the lisp. I was taunted and I was self conscious about it and I distinctly remember spending hours standing in front of the bathroom mirror staring at my mouth and forcing my tongue to stay in place when pronouncing those “s” versus “th” sounds. Then years later here was that lisp all around me! I realized the problem wasn’t that I had had a lisp as a child but that I was speaking Castillian Spanish! This was also my first encounter with a true class system which was really weird. There has always been the stereotype that Europeans are rude and see Americans as loud and obnoxious. Over the course of our trip those stereotypes had mostly gone unfounded. The Germans were stern and efficient but polite and straightforward. The Swiss and Italians were nothing if not welcoming. But Spain was a little different. For the most part we were treated kindly but on the edges of society, the café at the train station or the clerk at the local store, we were met with disdain. It was enough that we were American but we also spoke the language like Mexicans! Sin upon sin! Weird. Like I said, most everyone was nice but there were a few punks with bad attitudes.

FYI, people who are supposed to be Spanish have often claimed that the aforementioned lisp is in emulation of the adored King Ferdinand. There is absolutely no evidence to support this. Just wanted to let you know.

Once I got to New York there was an entirely new world of Spanish to hear. Mexicans are not the majority Hispanic culture as they are in Southern California. In New York there are Spanish speakers from the Dominican Republic, Cuba, Puerto Rico, and many other places off the mainland, places that we think of when we say “Caribbean.” As such the Spanish language has been influenced by so many other cultures including the natives of those areas, the other invading nations like the Dutch, French, and British, the slave traders and the slaves themselves. Everyone brought with them their own culture which influenced how the dominating language, Spanish, is now spoken. To my ears the Spanish spoken here in New York has a completely different rhythm. It seems more sing-songy to me, with the inflection continually ascending rather than descending. Mexican Spanish seems to share the same mode of pronunciation as American English in that as we speak we typically put the heaviest emphasis on the final syllable of the sentence unless we are specifically trying to make a point or draw attention somewhere else. The Spanish I hear around the Big Apple tends to have the heaviest emphasis at the beginning with the weight placed on the words tends to rise as the sentence continues. The slang is different too. They don’t even know what a “cholo” is around here (lucky bastards). Of course neither cited nor done any of my own scientific research, I’m merely going what I’ve heard around the water cooler.

I guess the root of it all is that whenever you have a language spoken by disparate groups of people they are going to develop their own ways and rules for how to speak that language. That’s why Latin became French, Spanish, and Italian. That’s why I could barely understand what anyone was saying when I visited Ireland, though remarkably the more I drank the easier it was to comprehend. And that’s why I have something to write about today.

Also, for those of you visiting from Brazil, stop asking if I speak Spanish only to start speaking Portuguese because I have no idea what you are saying. IT’S A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE.

Novelas: TV for Audiences who can be Satisfied

My grandmother would usually pick up my brother and I from school every afternoon. We were kids and in all probability annoying as hell but she pretty much gave us run of the house- baseball in the back yard, board games in the patio, action figures and toy cars… We seldom got in to trouble but when we did she certainly reminded us who was in charge. All afternoon she even gave us control of the TV. But that ended as soon as evening came and it was time for the novelas. My aunt would stop by. Mom would be over to pick us up after a long day of work. But before we left they had a cup of coffee and maybe some pan dulce and stopped to see something that could not be found on American television.

For a nation that is relatively wasteful in so many ways, we are sure to squeeze every last bit of value out of out entertainment. Some stick, like the 20+ James Bond movies out there. Some, like the last couple of seasons of Friends, hang around perhaps a bit longer than their sell-by date. And still others run the gamut until they become a parody of their origin; shows like The Real World and its spin-offs, or The Bachelore(tte). This is not the case with the telenovelas (novelas for short) that one will find on Univision or Telemundo. Though there have been some attempts to adopt the model for American audiences it is extremely difficult for consumers and providers to walk away from a hit show.

Here is how novelas work: by definition they are on a limited run, usually lasting less than a year. That might seem like just any old mini-series you’ve seen anywhere but the content differentiates the genre from that of a typical min-series. Novelas are always convoluted love stories with twists and turns in the plot. Generally you will see a couple kissing in the first few minutes of the program and something will happen to drive them apart. 120 episodes later they will be kissing again in the final scene. So you won’t find epic wars fought as in Battlestar Galactica, nor will you find stories of brotherhood as in Band of Brothers. The content is completely relegated to the soap opera type of plots with steamy love scenes and tales of lust and revenge. Again, unlike a typical soap opera there is a designated end planned from the very beginning. They can be period pieces or take place in a contemporary setting but the one thing you can count on is that it will end. You may fall in love with the characters and demand more but that simply isn’t the way these work.

American studios have tried to emulate the model of the novela on various occasions but the results have been rather disastrous. A small television unit called MyNetworkTV tried to use the format but interest fell off quickly after their first season. That may be because audiences weren’t interested in investing their time in something they knew would be over in a matter of months, or it could be because the shows simply weren’t any good. It takes an act of God and a bolt of lightning for a show to have a successful run even if it has major star power and a great time slot. Anyone remember the Cosby Mysteries? Or that one show Michael Richards had after Seinfeld? Whatever the case, the American attempts could not copy the success of their Latino counterparts.

This isn’t to say that the genre has not had a profound influence on American television. While shows like 90210 and Melrose Place were essentially prime time soap operas with characters whose histories the audience followed no matter how outlandish the plot might be, prior to the early 90s I am hard pressed to think of many shows with a season long story arch. Sitcoms like Three’s Company or Cheers were essentially stand alone half hour shows that could be plugged into the season in any order. Occasionally there were two-parters or very special episodes that would have some lasting effect that might be referred to in a later episode. But there wasn’t really a sense of the show being mapped out for the season with a specific goal that the audience is searching for. Moonlighting had the basic premise of a guy and a girl who should be together but were not… And audiences watched it in hopes that they would finally get together, not because they knew that’s what was supposed to happen at the end of season 2. Fast forward to the early 2000s to the appearance of Heroes, Desperate Housewives and 24. Both of these shows had a very specific story arch that would find a conclusion at the end of the season while setting up events for the season that followed. Audiences were captivated by the notion that their time spent in viewership would be rewarded with a conclusion to the story. Had any of these shows simply ended after their first season they would be regarded as culturally significant events that captivated a nation. Instead they are being milked for all they’re worth and have fallen into mediocrity, a step away from oblivion. Ugly Betty was originally supposed to be ABC’s attempt at an American novela but they decided they would rather ride it out until it eventually got cancelled due to dwindling ratings. Twice.

Like soccer, I’m not entirely sure why novelas won’t catch on in America. I guess it’s the same reason we have a fourth Indiana Jones movie and those last three Star Wars abortions. If we can squeeze a few more bucks out of a character, we probably will line up to see it. By the way, let me know how The Real Housewives of DC turns out.

Beware The Red Grasshopper!

If you were born after 1985 and did not have an aunt or grandmother who watched Spanish language television, you probably have no idea who El Chapulin Colorado is. For a more contemporary example in the English speaking, American world he has been caricatured on The Simpson’s by the loveable Bumblebee Man. As for yours truly, I remember spending hours in front of the television, many of them over the years, literally rolling on the floor laughing (this was many years before “rofl” was used as an expression [or the existence of IM or text message for that matter]) at the heroic antics of El Chapulin.

So who is El Chapulin Colorado? His name translated means “The Red (colored) grasshopper”. An interesting side note is that the word for grasshopper in this case, chapulin, as actually exclusive to Mexican use. Its etymology comes from an Aztec or Nahuatl word according to the infallible resource, Wikipedia. The Spain-Spanish word for grasshopper is saltamontes. But El Chapulin is more than just his name- he’s a superhero. Sort of. He is recognized by his red and yellow costume (no cape), marvelous antennae, and his heroic chest adorned by a yellow heart bearing the letters “CH”, but believe you me, he is much better than sugar. He also wields a hammer, not unlike the Mighty Thor, called his chipote chillon (squeaky mallet). No matter where his adventures took him he was instantly recognized. Seriously. It could be the past or the present. It could be London or China. It could be the planet Venus. He could be fighting martians… They all know and respect El Chapulin. His powers seem to include, but are not limited to: flight, teleportation, and his vinyl antennae would blink whenever trouble was near- a grasshopper sense, if you will.

Despite all of his noble attributes, most of his success in battling evil doers came by chance, mistake, or simple coincidence. Think Real American Hero, but more brilliant. He even had his own introduction and set of catchphrases to assist in his heroic witty banter. He was introduced, Más ágil que una tortuga, más fuerte que un ratón, más noble que una lechuga, su escudo es un corazón... ¡Es el Chapulín Colorado!
(More agile than a turtle, stronger than a mouse, nobler than lettuce, his shield is a heart... It's the Red Grasshopper!)

Some of his choice lines include:
• "¡Síganme los buenos!" ("Good guys, follow my lead!") — as he would sometimes later on walk into a wall or fell from where he was standing. It would occasionally prompt the villains to say later on "¡Síganme los malos!" ("Bad guys, follow my lead!")
• "Lo sospeché desde un principio" ("I suspected it all along") — which he would say after someone pointed out something obvious that he had missed
• "Lo hice intencionalmente, para..." ("I did it intentionally, to...")- to justify a dumb action, for example: "I did it intentionally to calculate the resistance of the wall", after walking straight into it.
• "Todos mis movimientos están fríamente calculados" ("All my movements are coldly calculated") – his explanation for falling on his face, breaking something valuable, etc. May be spoken stand-alone, but always follows the previous quote.
• "Se aprovechan de mi nobleza" ("They take advantage of my nobility") — which he would usually say after an insult, like "We should've called Superman or Batman...", or when he is forced to do something against his will)
• "Yo opino..." ("In my opinion...") — a phrase always left unfinished because someone always interrupts him. Sometimes with "¡No opines, Chapulín!" ("Don't give your opinion, Grasshopper!"), but mostly with others insisting on their point, not letting him bring it up again.
• Also, in trying to provide advice, he would take two traditional two-part Spanish sayings and mix them up, always beginning with "Como dice el viejo y conocido refrán..." ("As the old and well-known saying goes..."). For example, "Cría cuervos y te sacarán los ojos" ("Raise crows and they'll pluck your eyes out"; i.e., what goes around comes around) and "Crea fama y échate a dormir" ("Make a name for yourself and then go to sleep"; i.e., once you have made a reputation for yourself, things will take care of themselves) become "Cría cuervos y echate a dormir... No, no, no... Crea buena fama y te sacaran los ojos... No... (in this part, he begins to mix both wrongly said quotes creating an elongated phrase confusing both himself and his listeners) "Bueno, la idea es esa." ("Raise ravens and then go to sleep... No, no, no... Make a good name for yourself and they'll peck out your eyes... No... (in this part, he begins to mix both wrongly said quotes creating an elongated phrase confusing both himself and his listeners) Well, that's the idea.")
• "Que no cunda el pánico" ("Nobody panic") would become "Que no panda el cúnico" ("Pabody nonic").

His show originally started running in 1970 in Mexico. It was aired for many years to follow in countries all over the world. It was actually a pioneer in using Chroma-Key (blue screen) visual effects that might look cheesy now but at the time were about as cutting edge as it got. After the initial run of half-hour shows, El Chapulin eventually found his way into doing miniature adventures and skits on the show, El Chavo del Ocho, which is a whole other animal.
I encourage you to learn more about Mexico’s greatest superhero at http://www.chespirito.org/.

Here's a classic clip concerning the mystery of the missing eggs. Trust me... this was groundbreaking stuff.

Futbol (Not Football)

In nearly every country in the world the most popular sport with the greatest and most popular star athletes is soccer. Every country, that is, except for these here United States. For whatever reason it has never taken on the same fervor here that is so prevalent across the globe. I don’t know what the exact reason is for this. I was never that in to soccer coming up because no one was really all that in to soccer. Sure I played on teams as a child but professional soccer matches were not televised nor did they get any mention during the sports segment of the news. Time I’ve spent abroad has at times coincided with some pretty big tournaments like the World Cup and the Euro Cup and sitting in the pubs and cafes watching these games was as exciting and enthralling as any Super Bowl or Championship series I’ve seen here in America. It is certainly a hell of a lot more engaging than watching baseball or golf on TV. For the life of me I do not understand why soccer has failed to take hold in America but I have a few theories. It could be that because soccer matches only have one break with no “time-outs” it does present a challenge for selling advertising spots. Halftime is the only opportunity to run commercials and although this is a much more cynical explanation it is a possibility. Another reason might simply be the American mode of thinking. In country founded by people looking to separate from European models and built by those looking for the next big thing, the newest frontier, the greatest opportunity matched only by the risk… Well, I guess what I’m getting at is that American audiences are rarely satisfied with a tie score and have little patience for low scoring games. At least hockey games come with fights.

You say football anywhere besides here and people think soccer. I’m not even sure how we got the name soccer though I understand the word originated in England to distinguish the sport from American football which was gaining popularity here. Even in Mexico where it might make more sense to call it pelota de pye, they call it futbol.

The game we know as soccer does come from Europe though there have been sports associated with kicking or carrying a ball in the Americas going back to the Aztecs. They did have courts or fields with circular goals at either end but it would be presumptuous to say this game influenced soccer because the sport as we know it is generally thought to have been brought over from Europe. The first recorded organized games with an agreed upon set of rules comes from England. It is widely believed that soccer was brought to Mexico by Cornish miners in the late 19th century. It was not much later that a league came about.

Futbol became a professional sport in 1943 and its most successful team with has been Guadalajara with 11 championship titles. Before that there had been professional teams but the league that is in place now has began in 1943. Internationally Mexico has hosted the World Cup twice but has never won but they do have a very respectable team.

Here in the United States soccer has been around for just as long but did not really start gaining popularity until we hosted the 1994 World Cup. The US soccer team did surprisingly well, advancing to the quarter finals but losing to Germany who would eventually take second place. A couple of years later Major League Soccer got its start and many of the members of the US national team took spots in the ten inaugural teams. The US Women’s soccer team has been a powerhouse in recent years and has garnered much international recognition by winning two Women’s World Cup championships in the past ten years. Popularity of the new league went up and down with the national team’s success (or lack thereof at various times) but overall has gone way up from where it was. In California in particular a couple of recent events have greatly increased the exposure of the sport. There was the addition of the expansion team Chivas USA (the Chivas is a very popular team in Mexico), and the recruitment of international star David Beckham. Some would argue that bringing Beckham on board is sort of like the equivalent of taking Brett Favre over to play in Europe’s NFL- he’s kind of past his prime but still has some skill and definitely will draw a crowd. Even still, despite its recent rise in attendance and viewership, the American soccer program is still in its infancy compared to the rest of the world.

This year’s World Cup is going to be held in South Africa while the usual suspects like Brazil and Portugal are expected to do well there are still high hopes for the teams here in North America. Mexico and America are the second highest ranked teams in their respective groups but neither team is favored to win it all by any means. Still, it should be fun to watch.

On a personal note, every Mexican kid has played soccer growing up. I may have gone to school in Orange County but I knew the basics of soccer far before I understood football or basketball. This could also be due to my near complete lack of physical prowess but to my credit I did score the winning goal of the only game my junior high school team won. It wasn’t the highlight of my entire athletic career but it’s up there.